just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
