I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
