Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You are a genius and a whore.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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