lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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