Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
