do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
