gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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