Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
