he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
