i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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