Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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