You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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