i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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