They should really pass out barf bags in church
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize