hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
