I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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