Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
