Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
