i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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