I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
