Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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