I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
