no you cant smoke seaweed
i dont even know how to be here
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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