Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
