Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
