your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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