I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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