Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Houston, we have a blender
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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