trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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