arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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