So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dignity is for republicans.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize