I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
4 words: hood of his car
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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