I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
