make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
