I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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