I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
