i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
