i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
