So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
