Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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