ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
