Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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