I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
