i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
