It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
