Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
