I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just pee around me
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