nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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