Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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