I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
