i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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