Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
