You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
