it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize