my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
