Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
