you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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