i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
