Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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