Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
