I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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