Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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